Had a fun time catching up in the pleasant surroundings that is a Browns restaurant (dark wood, cream walls, potted palms, waiting staff in crisp white shirts and ties, decent food and wine – the standard Browns experience). There was however a problem.  Here is the email that I sent yesterday morning to Browns Restaurant via there customer feedback form on their website…

Last night I went for a meal with friends in your Islington restaurant. The food and service was great but there is a massive problem. The toilets are disgusting. They were filthy dirty – urine all over the floor and I have NEVER been in a loo that smelt so bad. I had a headache from the smell. This is the worst toilet that I have ever been in. Unbelievable even for a public loo or a grungy pub but this is meant to be part of a restaurant (and from a brand that I really like). What is going on?  Apparently the ladies loos were nearly as bad. This has really put me off your brand. It you will let that pass then I have dire concerns about what is going on back stage [in the kitchen]. Please let me know your thoughts on this. I will be writing about this on my blog and would be interested to include your response.”

I got a auto response email that said that I would get a response in a maximum of seven days.  Not good enough for me so I called their head office (they are part of a bigger group).  I spoke to a nice lady on the switchboard who passed on my message to the right department.  I then spoke to and got an email from Margaret…

Dear Mr Crump Thank you for taking the time to write. Please accept my sincere apologies for the disappointing visit you had at our Browns in Islington. I have forwarded your complaint on to the General Manager who will investigate your complaint and contact you direct.   Kind regards.

The way a shop looks, the way clothes are presented, your experience of the fitting rooms and the interaction with the staff make such a big difference to what you buy…

The way the shop looks, or to use the correct term (according to Chad who works in fashion), the shop fit, does make a massive difference to how long you want to hang out in a shop. Now Westfield is a very smart mall and as a result the shops housed in this retail mecca are, I am guessing, the retailers ‘ideal’ shop fit.  Other than the retailers flagship store (that may or may not be in London) they are really setting out to sell the brand to its full potential.

So my shop fit observations from yesterday are…

Ted Baker– a cool shop, really quirky little collections of objects (such as old fashioned prize cups and glass jars) that make you want to hunt out gems from the clothing racks.  I did really try to find something to buy in there – I really wanted to but couldn’t find anything I liked.  But the way the shop looked created a real desire to want to.  BOUGHT NOTHING BUT WANTED TO :+(

Pull and Bear – maybe I am just getting too old but it was far too dark in the shop for me.  After five minutes of searching (longer than I would normally give it but Chad loves their stuff) I sacked it off as I was getting eye strain from trying to work out the colours. BOUGHT NOTHING AND WANTED TO GET OUT OF THE SHOP :+)

The way the clothes are displayed and the fitting room also make a massive difference…

Esprit – the men’s floor is nice and open with enough space so that you can stand back and see everything easily.  One particular section had checked flannel-look shirts in great colours (plum, grey and olive green).  Now this is a look that I have never considered for myself before (I am all about the stripe).  I took it all in, said to Chad: ‘I really like this but I think I’m too old for it’, walked away and then as we walked out of the store and did a U-turn.  I went back to the display, picked two shirts, tried them on in the decent sized fitting room and loved them both.  BOUGHT TWO SHIRTS WHICH CAUGHT MY EYE BECAUSE OF THE DISPLAY :+)

Gap – not sure why they ended up with such a small shop (not usual for them) but they have crammed the clothes in to the rafters – the men’s section is rubbish at Westfield.  I went in to get some t-shirts to go under my new checked shirts (that’s the look you know – which the display and Chad had taught me!).  Gap actually had three perfect coloured t-shirts – but I had to fight to find them (tucked away on silly little shelves).  BOUGHT THREE T-SHIRTS BUT GOT HOT UNDER THE COLLAR DOING SO :+(

Zara – well the menswear section looked like a bleeding jumble sale – just piles and piles of messy clothes.  The big problem here is that nearly half of the clothes are folded in piles on high shelves above the hanging rails.  So to see what the item is you have to take it off the shelf, unravel it – take a look and then you plonk it back disappointed on the shelf.  I probably unwrapped about thirty items in my hunt (multiply this up with other ‘hunters’ and you get the aforementioned jumble sale).  This is a really annoying way to display clothes – you get so frustrated.

The reason that I went in Zara was that when I was in Hong Kong last week I managed to get to some shops before the flight home.  The Zara store in HK was huge – really nicely displayed, all in clear sections, one of which screamed ‘Neil’ and hey presto I bought quite a few things.  The Westfield Zara is a total disaster.  Again, like Gap the menswear section is too small to have everything in it – plus the fitting rooms are totally rubbish.  The cubicle it totally inadequate: too small, it only has two or three rubbish hooks and no chair or even a ledge to put your own clothes on (so you have to dump your own clothing on the floor!).  This leads me to…

How a shop assistant can make a BIG difference (for good or bad!)…

Zara (continued) – there were LOADS of staff in Zara, and most of them seemed more interested in chatting to each other than (a) tidying up the mass of clothes flung all over the place, (b) helping customers.  I asked the girl on the fitting room if they had any more colours of the cotton cardigan I was wearing (purchased in HK).  She just huffed at me and told me: ‘to look on the shop floor for it – everything we have is out there’.  Great, thanks love, nice work, what an ambassador for your employer.  This made me REALLY cross and I wanted to exit the shop immediately but I had a really nice t-shirt in my hand that I wanted and Chad had already selected a chunky Nordic looking (ugly – but apparently this is a good look) jumper.  So we go in the queue of four people and waited ages to be served, the reason being that the chaps on the till where more interested in talking to each other (actually about shop stuff) but it meant they just ignored the customer – poor form.  BOUGHT A T-SHIRT (AND THE UGLY JUMPER FOR CHAD) BUT LEFT THE SHOP FEELING REALLY ANGRY AND BADLY TREATED :+((

Interestingly Chad kept seeing ‘ugly’ jumpers in all the other shops and we kept on trying to decide whether the ones we were seeing were better than the Zara one.  In the end the decision was that the Zara jumper won (and hence wasn’t returned) – but the experience that we had in Zara almost made us want to replace it.

Now you might be asking: did anyone (other than Esprit) actually get it right on this shopping trip or is this just a rant Mr Crump?  Well I am pleased to say a big bouncy yes.  A new brand that I have never heard of called…

COS – this is a new find for me and I am SO happy about it. I loved nearly every piece of clothing in there.  I will be going back lots – I even signed-up to their mailing list so that they can keep in contact – I want to know more about them.  Why? Well as I said I really liked the clothes which is clearly the number one factor but the whole experience was a total pleasure. Nearly all (I think it might have been all) the clothes are on hangers which meant you could just flick through them really easily – they are all kept in size order going from small to extra large – excellent.  The fitting room had plenty of room.  The shop assistants were really helpful and the stunning lady on the till was a breath of fresh air and chatted to me about the brand (they are Swedish [turns out they are owned by H&M], they have other stores on Regents Street etc) – she promptly me to sign up for the mailing list.  It was a brilliant clothes shopping experience.  BOUGHT A PAIR OF TROUSERS, A CARDIGAN, A T-SHIRT, TWO SHIRTS AND SKIPPED OUT OF THE SHOP WITH A HUGE SMILE ON MY FACE :+)) :+))

So there you go folks.  Sometimes you buy things in shops because you have to – the item wins out, but with my no refund culture hat on:

• New brands can excite you – tell you what they are about and make you just want to hang out with them.  I am really interested to find out what the e-communications experience with Cos is going to be like (I really want them to be great)
• Established brands that disappoint might get a sale but you aren’t going to run back to engage with them – the Gap experience was not good.  I know that they do ‘battery’ clothing but this store is nothing like the normal ones – too small, too crammed and reminds you that the item that you just bought is also being worn by about a million other people around the world
• Poor customer service has the power to elicit powerful emotions.  One rotten apple (or a whole bowl of them as in one of the examples above) makes a massive difference.

Interestingly Mary Portas (known as Mary Queen of Shops here in the UK) did the PR launch of Westfield with her agency Yellow Door (not sure if they still look after them).  She is a retail strategy guru who has had TV shows looking at the topics I have mentioned in this post.

She also did a great programme looking at charity retailing – attempting to lift the charity shop from dusty to lusty.  As a result of this show I actually pop into my local charity shop now to try and look for gems (although my Oxfam in Camden looks good it has rubbish stock).  This was actually the main thrust of her mission:  better stock equals more customer pull equals more sales at a higher price which means, abracadabra, more money for the charity.  Well I have been through my wardrobe (adding in my new culls) and undertaken a big purge.  So my cast-offs (that included three Hugo Boss shirts that I have never worn) are destined for Oxfam on Camden High Street tomorrow – someone might like them.

Anyway I’m off to find out more about COS on the interweb… woo hoo.

The biggest culprit is clearly the telephone helpline. I am sure that on paper they somehow make sense, i.e. money is being saved somewhere along the line. But what about the hapless mug on the end of phone? ‘Cause that’s how you end up feeling.

How many times, having dialled the number, typing in endless hash tags and single digit numbers (a lá #1#5#4#1#5#2…) to navigate through endless menu options and then listening to muzak for 15 plus minutes you end up:

• With the phone being accidentally hung up as the operator answers
• With the line going dead as it simply times out
• Hanging up in pure frustration having been bored to death by a voice ‘artist’ who keeps telling you how they are ‘experiencing a higher than average volume of calls’

The whole telephone thing drives me crazy (top tip is just press nothing and often, after being prompted loads of times to press buttons, you get whizzed through to a person – RESULT).

A further example of automation craziness was last night. While waiting on the platform to come back on a train from Birmingham New Street station, I heard the following announcement: ‘I am sorry that the 22:30 to London Euston will be delayed…’ This again came from an automated system. In this instance ‘WE are sorry…’ would be better. I don’t want an apology from an automated system – I will let it apologise for the collective train company – but a computer generated human voice sorry just doesn’t wash.

This post was actually started on my Blackberry as I sat in the new and improved (!) post office, on the High Street in Camden. And yes folks, you guessed it they have gone all automated on us. Gone are the sheep pen ropes that zig zagged in front of the counters (obviously they were unloved – us Brits HATE queuing) and now we have a deli counter ticket system – one where you take a numbered ticket and wait your turn. This is complimented with a front of house refit – now more white with red, rather than red with white and faux red leather modern(ish) looking couches.

On paper I can see that this is a BRILLIANT idea – I can see the concept, the storyboard, I bet in the marketing team meeting it was fabulous. But guess what – it doesn’t work. Basically I waited for one whole hour – I’ve never queued in a post office for that long – ever. You cannot tell how long the wait is going to be – you just sit there – ageing.

When my number got called I had to stop myself from screaming out ‘House’ like I was in a bingo hall (I was surrounded by sweet old ladies). People were moaning and arguing with the staff left, right and centre – generally a miserable and depressing experience – well done Post Office.

One thought I have had is that this has been done on purpose. The point being to force people to do more things online. Create a bingo hall and folk like me won’t want to go on in there.

When I was told this I immediately got defensive (not too dramatically mind) and explained that my problem is not with brands themselves but rather when a brand lets you down, as Cartier did to me.

I have reread the Cartier watch post and can see that I might need to clarify my position a little. So thank you friend’s boyfriend for your insight. So here I go…

I do believe in the value of brands and yes part of what I do for a living is to build belief in them. I think that brands are powerful and by their very nature build loyalty – strong invisible ties that keep you coming back for more. They inspire us and give us a warm fuzzy glow when we interact with them.

Some of my favourites are:

• Clothes: Paul Smith, Nicole Farhi and Hugo Boss
• Electrical stuff: Sony , Toshiba and Miele
• Food: Sainsbury and Prêt-a-Manger
• Department stores: John Lewis
• Skin care: Clarins
• Cars: Mercedes Benz
• Sports clothing: Nike

This then extends into countries (Italy, Spain, Thailand and India), artists (Chris Bush), where I like to go and see films (Vue), the ice cream I love (Haagen Dazs) and even bins (Brabantia) I buy for my home (I’ve got three of them).

So I am an official brand lover and from my list of brands above you will have already got a feel for me as a person – drawing from your experience (whether as a fellow brand devotee or just having seen marketing relating to that brand such as an advert or maybe even an engaging viral). This short list of brands blends into a profile of me. Not all of me, not a definitive “yep I got this chap sussed” but more of a flavour.

Brands are about human interaction, they are built by organisations which are run by people and the consumer of that brand, who again are people, derive enjoyment from buying, visiting, using, etc, etc, etc, that brand.

As part of the brand experience there are always going to be times when a product lets you down – it’s normal, things break, they are after all just stuff, and stuff is fallible. I can cope when something screws up. What I hate is when something does go wrong and you give the brand an opportunity to correct it, and following this plea the response is “bugger off”. They don’t try and keep you, they just spit you out. This is the problem with brands that don’t live up to the proposition, as Cartier did in my experience, where a ‘lifetime guarantee’ guaranteed absolutely nothing. We want brands (with all our heart) to deliver on the promise.

As the saying goes ‘To err is human’, and when we make an error we should apologies where necessary and strive to get it right. This is what great brands do (I will maybe post some more on great brand experiences in the future). The very process of correcting a problem reinforces our belief that our decision to engage with the brand was a good one in the first place, building more trust, more loyalty.

Phew, that was a long post, I hope that I have explained myself a little better. Anyway I’m off for a Diet Coke now ;+))

Milan trip was good. I even managed to catch a bit of the old part of the city with a late night walk followed by an alfresco beer with Chair and our my lovely client. All very pleasant although it was pointed out that my eyes were blood shot and I looked like hell (the daily disposable contact lenses are very unforgiving after 18 hours of wear).

My Grumped moment relates to my flight out to Milan on Saturday.

I stupidly attempted to check in two bags. My micro suitcase and a laptop bag (doubling up as an ‘on-site event bag’). The latter contained scissors and all manner of other sharp pointy things that you cannot take through Security – and hence why I wanted to check it in.

Anyway I wasn’t allowed to without paying £35 pounds as my ticket only allowed one bag to be checked in. This was despite the fact that both bags together weighted less than my allowance.
Most annoying and out from my mouth popped the title of this post. This was met by a harsh look – batted back with my most smiley of smiles. ‘Frosty’ then couldn’t – I guessed faked – not being able to print me a receipt and inconvenienced me further with a trip to the baggage desk where ‘Incompetent’ was unable after 10 minutes to print me a receipt.

Learnings from experience:

• Don’t fly British Airways – I know they are our national carrier but they are expensive and don’t give you a better experience
• Remember to get your jumbo suitcase from storage before you fly
• Pay a few pounds to have your small case cocooned in 200 metres of security plastic wrapping. As the Spice Girls said “two becomes one” and you don’t pay the extra (as I did on my return journey)

So ziga zig argh BA. I hope the £35 compensates for my new BA avoidance strategy.

So I’ve already marked the ‘X’ on my ballot paper to be counted. I’ve voted for the party that run my Borough, who are also the party of my MP (I live in Brent and so feel free to do your own homework). I can tell you that I didn’t vote for the Green Party – and today just reinforced why…

We got back to Camden from a prospective client meeting at lunchtime. So a colleague and I jumped out of the cab and dashed to a favourite sandwich eatery to get, surprise, surprise, a sandwich. As we started walking down Camden High Street we could hear someone ranting on a megaphone in the distance.

We turned round a few times and as the traffic started up from the traffic lights the words ‘Vote Green tomorrow’ came into ear shot. Then the orator came into view. A lady passenger of a maroon Toyota Prius was heading toward us down the road, window down, megaphone hanging out of the car with luminous green ‘Vote Green’ posters sellotaped to the rear windows. Again she cried ‘Vote Green Tomorrow’.

Now my colleague and I looked at each other and as I though it, my colleague yelled out “Get on your bike and stop driving around in a car”. Green lady yells back “It’s an electric car – vote Green tomorrow”, as they sped off into the distance.

Man oh man – so many things funny yet fundamentally wrong about the whole thing:

1. Where does Green lady think that electricity comes from? Let me tell you: the burning of fossil fuels or nuclear power
2. A Prius does use a bit of electricity but we do have to remember that they actually use more petrol to get themselves around
3. Aural spamming is not a good way of persuading people to do anything you want them to do
4. The car was maroon, yes I know, maroon – can a car possibly be sprayed a worse colour? Who buys a maroon car?

This is the problem with single issue organisations – if you are single issue you lose all credibility the second you don’t totally act in line with that single issue.

I think that the environment is hugely important and a difficult thing to balance with our modern lives of, to name just a few things, cars, planes and doing our shopping online (where our little one-off purchases get whizzed from across the globe). It’s a huge quandary.

I don’t want be too disparaging of the Greens. Single issue political parties are important. They keep us on our toes, we need people with extreme issues (as long as they don’t cause genuine harm) – it’s just that shrieking from an ugly coloured, pseudo-environmental credentialed car expecting the recipients to be mobilised into action is, well, just plain moronic.

My follow-up on this is that the glue washed out of my clothes and my beloved Armani jacket came out of ‘Paradise’ with the glue removed. I took my dry cleaning bill back to B&Q. The nice duty manager from before was there. He looked relieved that he didn’t have to pay for a new jacket and gave me the dry cleaning money plus a card to get 10% my shopping.

So I stocked up on plants for the garden (all now planted).

So not a bad outcome from the Orange DIY establishment in the end then.

Chad and I stupidly went to B&Q (groan) so it’s my own fault for getting myself covered head to toes in contact adhesive.

It is especially my own fault because it was B&Q branded adhesive (ok it was ‘IT’ branded which is their rubbish kitchen range but you have to give me some dramatic license here), I mean it actually had a B&Q logo on it – so I was simply asking for trouble…

I pick up a tube of glue today in the ‘Orange Hell’ and the tube (and it turns out every other tube of glue in that box) had a split in the top of them. I walked down the aisle and with the tube in my hand, hear a weird squirting sound, and next thing I know I look down and the tube has covered me (jacket, cardigan, jeans, shoes and bag) in fringin’ glue. I was so angry that I nearly took off through the leaking prefabricated roof. Poor Chad didn’t know what to do (other than look a bit scared and suggest that we get another tube!!!). Thankfully he didn’t laugh as I might have started crying as there was a major excess of adrenaline in my veins at that exact point.

Anyway I get dumped at the paint counter by an assistant with some wet wipes to try and get the glue off me – which I proceed to smear deep into the fibres of my clothes. After asking TWICE I was taken off to see the manager. He was actually very nice and wrote me a letter of apology on the spot (with instructions on the dry cleaning policy followed by the clothes replacement policy).

I am gutted that I have glue on my beloved and favourite Armani jacket. I hope that it can be saved in Paradise* or otherwise B&Q face a £600 replacement bill.

Anyway I HAVE to learn from this. Stop going to The Dump and go and see the lovely people at Homebase when I have DIY needs. They may be an extra five minutes drive away but I won’t end up wanting to tie bricks to my feet and jump in a reservoir after I leave.

* The lovely dry cleaners on Parkway in Camden.